Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
