FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
