There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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