He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
