talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
