Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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