last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
