When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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