Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize