i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
