Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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