I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
