you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
