i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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