He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
