I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
