mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Screwed.edu
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
