I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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