See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
