At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
