apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
