whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
