Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
third nipple confirmed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
