And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize