I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
