i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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