Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
