just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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