You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
