She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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