He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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