I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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