Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
