i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Shame is for Republicans.
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