Pants 0. Shit 1.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
