I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
