Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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