I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
