She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
