I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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