I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
