his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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