i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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