YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
