my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My liver just had a heart attack.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
