if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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