a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
