Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
