I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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