how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
