if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I have vodka in my lungs
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
