loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Two words: nipple clamps
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