i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
