i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
