considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
