8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
