im drinking this country out of the recession.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
