What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
