Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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