They should really pass out barf bags in church
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
