guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
