I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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