He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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