Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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