The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize