he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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