I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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