Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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