i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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